Just seeking resources for detailed information about how to have end of life discussions and when, and what role has the minister in this matter vs. the daughters. Also seeking information about how hospice works. I"ll pursue information on your website, with much appreciation.

— Ann , 12/1/2011

Warning: Life is Terminal! We will all die, but our youth-oriented society finds this hard to accept. My book, Spirit Matters: How to Remain Fully Alive with a Life-limiting Illness, is about helping people live while they are dying. It focuses on the importance of keeping the spirit, who we are as a person, alive and well when faced with a terminal illness. It brings hope and assurance that the end of life does not have to be a physically painful, frightening and isolated experience. In my twelve years as a hospice nurse, my patients taught me many important truths about dying. In Spirit Matters, these truths are powerfully presented through the personal stories of dying people that I knew and cared for. Each chapter addresses a particular issue related to what is really important at the end of life. It will bring laughter and tears and inspiration. Most importantly, it will educate and empower the dying and their loved ones to take control of crucial decisions that are currently left to medical and bureaucratic systems that have little understanding of their real needs. I am aware that numerous books have been written about death and dying. I have read many of them, but have found none that deliver the message contained in this book. Although hospice plays a significant role, this is not a book about hospice. It is about the human spirit at the end of life and the struggle to keep it healthy against the ravages of the disease and the onslaught of fear and ignorance that is often encountered. My website is www.judyflickinger.com. I hope that you will read my book and encourage others to read it. Although I am a retired R.N. I volunteer for hospice and give presentations about my book once or twice a week. I live in The Villages, FL with a population of 85,000 citizens 55 or older. I’m very busy giving presentations! I look forward to hearing from you, Judy Flickinger

— Judy Flickinger, 5/6/2011

I am an ICU nurse of 30 years. In the last several years I've become more involved with end of life discussions and seminars. Recently I dipped my toes in the blog waters and have started a blog http://endoflifetalk.blogspot.com/ in hopes of educating more people. In my research for some seminars I'm doing I stumbled on your website. I've blogged about it, added the video and plan to use it in a seminar next month. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Pam

— Pam, 4/18/2011

Enduring my 6th Decade on this planet, my thoughts on the end of life are many. The Hospice movement is a catalyst for deeper understanding of Palliative care for the ones you love or for yourself the writer, as the case may be. A few years ago I had the opportunity to visit the Husband of a dear friend who was in the transitioning period of his end days. Walking from the elevator into a crowded Nurses pathway took my mind off of the purpose of my visit. Caring for people in all levels of distress, these are not RN's, they and their team are Angels. After locating the room of my Friend I entered so gingerly. I announced myself and immediately connected with a peaceful ambiance that filled the room with a certain calm. Josh was alert and ever the wit, in good if not guarded spirit. We spoke lightly of common interests, ideas and subjects two guitar players might string together. After a period of time I left the Hospital feeling light of heart and calm in a way that is hard if not difficult to explain. Over time we go on with our lives all the while accompanied by the presence of a different outlook on living and dying. Bucket lists are spot on for the mobile ones, repairing broken bridges for others is reasonable too. Making peace within is a difficult task, understanding and resolve will smooth the path ahead.

— jay furman, 4/17/2011

Right after the 2001 attack on the Twin Towers in NYC, my husband and I drew up our Will and Power of Attorney and completed both a Health Care Proxy and a living will. In addition, we organized our financial paperwork in one place to make it easier for the remaining spouse to settle the estate, and sat down and discussed what we wanted if either of us became terminally ill. Since both of my parents had already pre-donated their bodies to the university medical school post-death, I made the same bequest so the school would have a genetic lineage to examine. I also have written my own memorial service, and have collected the poems, readings and music (CD's and sheet music for the vocalist) I want at my service, compiled the photos of myself I want displayed, written letters to be given to my daughters upon my death and have told several of my family members which restaurant I'd like to have serve my memorial brunch . Preparing my own memorial service was wonderful--it offered me the opportunity to contemplate the whole of my life and the gifts and lessons in all my relationships and to determine what I would want to be remembered for by those who knew me well. The written material and music I have selected for my service reflect best how I feel about the great gift of life I have been given and the gratitude and awe I feel over the preciousness of existence and the all-encompassing presence of God that I feel. These preparations, coupled with a near-death experience I had in the early '90's have given me a great sense of ease around the subject of my body's future death.

— Pam Kowal, 4/7/2011

I am a hospice social worker. This very topic has been very near my heart for so long. I am thankful for the work being done through this movement. I would suggest those who are interested in further engaging a loved one in such a conversation, look into the Go Wish Cards. They are a great tool that allows one to express their wishes in case they face a serious illness. They are simple and user-friendly. They are also available in Spanish.

— Carolina, 4/7/2011

http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/99074314.html My parents story. I admire them a great deal and am speaking out! Mary Gute Witte

— Anonymous, 3/17/2011

I have said goodbye to all my grandparents and my parents as well, however the passing of my sister in the year of my college graduation was the passing which triggered in me the reality that I was not one of the immortals. I began discussions with my mom about how her faith allowed her to look with unflinching assurance at her arrangements for the end of her life. She inspired me to accept that exiting life was something we should discuss, plan for, and deal with. Her spirituality and joy, as well as her practical Yankee mentality finally overcame my stubbornness and selfishness. We owe it to those we love to discuss and plan for the end of life. The one slide and Engage with Grace fall in step with my beliefs and I am pleased to share this story with others who are thinking about these issues.

— Robert G Preston, 3/14/2011

Though this is such a tough topic for so many people, in my case, I'm a true believer. Nevertheless I was not at all prepared for the video explaining Za's story, so here in my office at 11am I went all to peices crying. Because you see I was a little girl when my mother died of a glioblastoma. She was brought home to die, too, but unlike Za's family no one ever was allowed to talk about it, not during and certainly not after. Thank you so much for helping me find a way to share these issues with my family.

— Maureen Fitzpatrick, 2/14/2011

My father died of COPD in 1998, a disease he had acquired not through smoking but as a result of the TB he’d contracted during World War II. Surgeons had permanently deflated his left lung in 1944, and it was rather a miracle that he thrived and lived to be 84. He had the privilege of dying at one of the teaching hospitals at the University of Pittsburgh. He’d been in the hospital for about 10 days, and had been resuscitated once. I’ll never forget the matter-of-fact, likeable young female resident, who came into his room on that tenth night and said, straightforwardly, “Mr. Anderson, it’s time for us to discuss how you want the next week to go.” She outlined his options, asked him several specific questions (Do you want CPR? Electric shock to the heart? Antibiotics? A feeding tube?), and simply took his answers. He had a few questions about the electric shock thing and decided against it. In fact, the only thing he said he’d want was antibiotics. The next morning, when I returned, he asked me to find the young doctor and tell her that he didn’t even want the antibiotics. “I’m going to go see Jack,” he told me, referring to his older brother who had died just 6 weeks earlier. He had previously made out an advance directive, but this conversation helped us come to terms with his impending death. He died peacefully two days later in the hospital, just before we were scheduled to move him to a hospice facility. We were very lucky - my dad still had “all his buttons” (his words!), and we knew we could rely on his judgment. What my brother, my husband, and I learned was how important it is, for the patient and the family alike, to have the comfort of a straight-forward, honest conversation. We’re grateful for him being at a great teaching hospital that supported this kind of discussion. And, my husband, my brother, and I, in addition to writing Living Wills, have all had the conversations with each other. Who knows if we would be as lucky as my Dad was, to be able to make things clear in those final days?

— Kathy Anderson, 1/24/2011

End of Life, is not the end of life. This is the only peace I had at the hospice bed of my father and brother. Had I not known that both knew God's grace, love and gift of eternal life through Christ I would have despaired their passing. Both my father and brother expressed their desire to die at home, not a hospital. Both refused extraordinary medical intervention. Both of their dying events unfolded organically, no real planning, except towards the end.

— Anne, 11/23/2010

My wife died two days before 9/11, in a foreign country so you can only imagine how difficult that was to deal with. I must say that the State Department was very gracious in helping me get things in order. I find it interesting that the word Grace is used hear but there is no mention of God's Grace. Those that have chosen the road of faith take great comfort in that word because of the spiritual meaning. God's Grace is sufficient for those that choose to receive it. With Christmas around the corner, maybe people should take the time to reflect the true meaning of Christmas. Death is a part of life and faith helps you embrace it without fear. Two people die every second, 150,000/day. Life is short, Eternity is forever.

— Vincent, 11/23/2010

In the past ten years, cancer has claimed the lives of three beautiful, young women in my life; most recently, my high school friend, mother of an adorable two year old. Gayle died peacefully in her home last year and I was blessed to be a part of her final moments. Although she could not speak, she was alert and knew her loved ones and beautiful daughter were by her side. She too suffered through many treatments and surgeries in her final year. Her story reminded me of Rosaria. I did not have the pleasure of meeting "Za", but I did have the honor of meeting her husband and daughter. It’s been many years since I saw Alessia’s charming smile and heard her darling voice. I knew John and Alessia’s family would keep her Mommy’s memory alive and that she would come to know the special woman Rosaria was. Her story and Gayle’s got me thinking the end of a Mom or Dad’s life is the beginning of another life for their child. I believe the gift Rosaria and Gayle gave to their daughters in their final moments, was one in which they both would cherish.

— Anonymous, 8/23/2010

During the eleven years of my mother's decline with dementia it was not until the final year of her life, through a serendipitous transfer to a new nursing home, that I met a doctor that actually started our conversation with the important question "what are your goals for her care?". It was this doctor's compassion and courage to face that question that enabled us to finally be sure that she would receive the non-aggressive but gentle and loving palliative care that she needed in her final days (she had expressed clear wishes about that years earlier). Her quality of life actually improved quite a bit in the year under his care. We were able to face her imminent passing fully informed and supported by the medical staff to be by her side to connect with her emotionally and to ease her passage and say goodbye. I am eternally grateful to that doctor and nursing home for helping us to make the best decisions in her last year. Sadly, that nursing home had to close down recently because they had been struggling financially for some time and they ultimately became victims of current economic conditions. There are very few nursing facilities in this community (in my experience) that can or will provide that kind of homelike attention and personal care . The medical community can certainly lead in helping patients and families to find this kind of care and to face these difficult questions.

— Leslie Gaines, 7/30/2010

My mother decided not to receive the care that had a small chance of prolonging her life but would also have left her with irreversible consequences and a shadow of her former self. She asked me to help her have a "good death." Our family and her doctors all came down on the right-hand side of the "One Slide" continuum, wanting her to try anything to live. She didn't have a valid advance care directive, but luckily she was still lucid and able to sign all the papers. We all knew what she wanted, but it was still difficult to let her go. I am still thankful that I helped her, but also that I was not left in a position to make the decision for her. Still, the guilt and pressure from our live-at-any-cost society haunted me enough to write a novel about a family in the same situation, Finding Frances. My husband and I have completed our advance care directives through www.projectgrace.org, another organization that helps people legally articulate their needs and desires for end-of-life care. We do not want any of our children to be burdened by having to choose on our behalf. We all exercise our freedom of choice in living, why don't we take responsibility for our choice at the time of our ultimate passage? Thank you for bringing this "One Slide" to the open for discussion.

— Janice M. Van Dyck, 7/29/2010

Today I sat down to have my morning coffee and a piece of toast spread with something I haven't had in 30 years- Nutella. When I was a little girl at Davis Thayer School in Franklin, MA I would bring fluffernutter sandwiches to school. What could be better? One day I met this little girl who was grinning from ear to ear and when she spoke she sounded a little different from all the other kids- like she came from somewhere far away. She asked me if we could trade sandwiches. She said that hers was wonderful- very very good- but she was just getting a little tired of having "chocolate" sandwiches every day! Can you imagine that? I couldn't believe it! First- how did I not know that these chocolate sandwiches existed and secondly- how could any kid not want a chocolate sandwich!! Needless to say I was more than happy to make the switch and from that day on we were friends. Even though I didn't share any of the same classes with her once we were in high school, we met up again one day on the train platform in Boston when she was going to school to be a pharmacist. It's funny because I had taken that path myself- I worked in pharmacy for a long time and then went into research working at the Farber. I was so saddened to learn that she had passed away so young. She was such a beautiful person- inside and out. She had the biggest smile of anyone I ever knew. ((((Za)))) Years have gone by but today I couldn't help but think of her while sitting here enjoying my "chocolate" sandwich. I decided to Google her name and found this site. I'm so glad that I did. Turns out that I just happen to know someone who needs this information right now. Thank you so much!

— Maureen Lepak, 6/24/2010

After seeing the video and reading the story titled Engage With Grace I see myself eventually going in that direction as will most of us. I have been very fortunate in my 81 years of active life ,even though being diabetic since the age of 15 , I have been able to accomplish most of my goals. I owned and operated my own drug store on Payne Avenue, I volunteered for both of Norm Coleman’s senate races and have had a total 85 letters published in various newspapers . There are also events that I am not proud of as I am at this time engaged in my fourth divorce. More on that to follow. I feel that I am still capable but I have turned over all of my life decisions to my four children, Del, Jane, Mary and Barbara. and we have discussed living will and end of life care. I have full trust in my committee of four and I know they know better than I what is best for me. In late December they had real concerns about my health and safety so they removed me from my home and then to the emergency department at Regions Hospital as a vulnerable adult. They then found it best for me to file for divorce and live in an assisted living apartment in Maplewood. I thank God for them.

— Alan Anderson, 2/11/2010

My mother died at the early age of 59 from liver cancer. It was quick - diagnosed in October and she was gone two days after thanksgiving 2008 - never left any wishes or instructions - they gave her morphine so she never really said goodbye - hard to get over because there were no last anythings

— Anonymous, 1/16/2010

I am not yet 30 and expect to have many healthy years ahead of me, but my wife and I discussed the questions on the one slide anyway. I learned so much about her during this discussion, including that she does not want me to be her advocate in an end-of-life-situation. She would like one of her siblings who has an MD to make the difficult choices because he would understand both her needs and the medical situation. I want to make these decisions well in advance of an end-of-life situation. If I don’t, I may not have the opportunity to convey my wishes to my loved ones, and they might always wonder whether or not they chose the right course.

— Michael Westover, 11/19/2009

I had the opportunity to watch Alexandra announce the 'Engage with Grace: The One Slide Project' at the Health 2.0 Conference in 2008. Since then I have shared the One Slide at a number of presentations and have it as part of my standard slide presentation. I always relay a brief story about Alexandra and how the project got started. I then just give the audience time to read each of the questions and ask them to think about them and commit to sharing them with one other person. To learn more about why Alexandra's story personally touched me check out the post at my Health Care Law Blog (http://healthcarebloglaw.blogspot.com/2008/11/engage-with-grace.html). Robert L. Coffield

— Bob Coffield, 5/28/2009

April 16 is National Healthcare Decisions Day. It is an entire day designed to encourage action on this critically important topic. Please be sure you have your advance directive done by then or use that day to inspire you. For more information see: www.nationalhealthcaredecisionsday.org

— Anonymous, 3/13/2009

I can't stress strongly enough how important it is to make your wishes known regarding end-of-life directives. When my mother was dying of lung cancer, I was blessed in that I worked at a Long-Term Care facility as a geriatric nursing-assistant. The Social Worker on my floor was kind enough to provide me with a 'Five Wishes' document. I took it to my mom, and she and I discussed the fact that she wanted to die at home, that she wanted to be assured of pain management, that she wanted no 'extraordinary measures' taken, even the music she wanted played at her funeral. This led to other discussions (of personal and family issues) that may not have taken place otherwise. It brought her a great measure of peace in her final days, a sense of control and empowerment that most people are, unfortunately, denied during a terminal illness. It also offered the added blessing of relieving the family of most of the stress and guilt of trying to determine 'what Mom would want'. After Mom's passing, I ordered a case of The Five Wishes documents, and gave them to all of my family members. The rest were donated to the Senior Group at my church. I watched so many patients suffer needlessly while their families argued and fretted over their treatment plan, and I NEVER want my family (or myself!) in that position. My daughter will never have to wrestle with the decisions of my medical care or funeral wishes, and for that I am profoundly grateful.

— Patricia Ann Reinsfelder, 1/6/2009

Thank you for highlighting the importance of having these conversations with our loved ones. That is an important part of assuring that your final months go well. The next part is really understanding the limited benefit of many medical treatments for those in their final months of life. I worked for a hospice for 25 years and left to write a book to help nonmedical people to understand the futility of many treatments that people receive in their final months. Some of the treatments not only fail to help them medically improve but also may in fact hasten their dying and increase their physical suffering. Educating yourself about this is also essential in avoiding unnecessary suffering. I would also be happy to lend my support (in any area) on the clinical side of things.

— Betsy Murphy, 12/16/2008

I'm a physician in an ICU and I can't tell you how many times I've wished families had spoken about end of life, before the actual end of life. It's painful that many times loved ones are kept alive with no hope of returning to a meaningful quality of life, while families fight over what "mom" or "dad" would have wanted. Clinicians do the best they can (some admittedly, better than others) to ride the emotional roller coasters with families, but it's difficult to ignore the often needless suffering of their loved ones. The message you are delivering is critically important and I wholeheartedly applaud your efforts. I'd be happy to lend my support on the clinical side of things to answer any questions or serve as a resource as you see fit. Thank you again and I look forward to hearing from you.

— Richard Levrault DO, 12/10/2008

I found your site from a USA Today article earlier this week. Timely, as we were just discussing some of these issues with my in-laws over the Thanksgiving holiday. Thanks for all the info and resources here. Another resource that I found is Stephen Kiernan's site/book http://stephenpkiernan.com - if you haven't seen it, you might want to. This subject is hard for me, but finding such great support & info has been helpful.

— Wendy, 12/3/2008

Your story in the Boston Globe a day before Thanksgiving could not have come at a better time. I had decided to talk to my aging father about his wishes for the end of his life, and to do it as we were driving down to a family gathering where his brother would be. Introducing the topic with Za's story made it much easier. I did not second guess myself. I did not feel I was introducing the subject too soon. As it was he found it all very interesting and told my uncle that we had discussed important things like end of life care. My uncle told my Dad that he has already written his obituary, that he is not afraid of death - and the two of them sat and talked. It was very gratifying that my uncle could support me in having brought up the normally taboo topic. So today I wake with a clear conscience. The direction of my dad's care IS changing - as a boat slowly coming about. We will be ready. I am sending out advance gratitude that his passing - when it comes - will be easy. Now, I say to him, that is out of the way, let's go back to planning for the rest of your life. He is 91 years old.

— Martha Stewart, 11/30/2008

My husband died in 1995 at the age of 54 after an 18 month battle with Lou Gehrig's disease. While he mourned the gradual loss of his physical abilities over that time period, he also faced death with a sense of adventure and curiosity. A physics and philosophy major, patent lawyer and college professor, he was a partner with his doctors in trying to unravel the mysteries of his disease. He also prepared for his death by pulling together all of the threads of his life that had meaning - collecting his writings into a self published book for his friends and family , mending relationships, reaching out to old friends. And he focused on the practical aspects of facing death - putting his/our financial affairs in order, making wise decisions about end of life care (no feeding tube or ventilator), and even making funeral arrangements. What might have seemed morbid at the time actually brought us closer together and more than occasionally gave rise to love and laughter. There is something about sitting together in a funeral parlor looking at caskets and urns and making choices that had moments of high comedy. I made my funeral arrangements at the same time - opting for cremation in "the alternative minimum container - i.e. a cardboard box" which might have felt like a "cheap decision" if my children had made it after my death. Making all of these choices together brought us closer and gave a real sense of closure to his life. The gift to me of his death was to face my greatest fear which was of losing him and come through the other side. As a result, I lost my fear of dying and learned amazing lessons about how to live, lessons that have been tremendously valuable as I recently faced my own challenges with a cancer diagnosis. All of this is to say that having open, loving conversations about the end of life can be enormously healing and provide powerful life learning lessons. Since my husband's death I have been looking for others who understand and believe in the value of exploring end of life issues more intentionally and transparently and applaud the work you have started with Engage with Grace. As we baby boomers age, I think there is an opportunity to help redefine the end of life in the same way that our generation helped to redefine the birth experience in the late 1950's and 1960's. Thank you for your important work.

— Marion Kane, 11/29/2008

I am a part-time health care instructor at The University of Akron (in Ohio). Thank you for this website. I plan on sharing your project with my students, since one of our chapters is about long-term care. I will also add it as one of my "wish list" objectives for my students, including it with preventive wellness, having health insurance, having a power of attorney and living will, etc.

— Kristen, 11/28/2008

This is not my story. It's something I read today. The book is "The Alabama Student" by William Osler, a famed physician who lived from 1849 - 1919. The chapter is on John Keats, and it was a talk Osler delivered at Johns Hopkins Hospital on Octoberr 29, 1985. Keats died of T.B. in 1821 in Rome at age 25. He was attended by his friend, the artist John Severn. Osler writes: "Severn (Atlantic Monthly, April, 1863) has given a touching account of the last month of his friend's life. Realizing fully the hopelessness of his condition, like many a brave man in a similar plight, [Keats] wished to take his life. Severn states: 'In a little basket of medicine I had bought at Gravesend at his request there was a bottle of laudanum [tincture of opium], and this I afterwards found was destined by him "to close his mortal career", when no hope was left, and prevent a long lingering death, for my poor sake." Severn and Keats's doctor, Sir James Clark, did not comply with the poets entreaty and he died shortly thereafter. This is a touching anecdote that underscores how important "Engage with Grace" is.

— David Elpern, 11/27/2008

Hello, I would love to thank you for your vision. This is so incredible, and has found me at a time in my career, that I have wanted to scream to the world how important this conversation is. I have been a Hospice nurse for 10+ years, and knew there needed to be change before someone’s last days. So I sought out a career in Palliative care, in the hospital setting, in hopes to helping our patients voices be heard, while they still can. It has been a wonderful, privileged journey, and your engage with grace, is such an awesome stretch to more and more people. I too, sat at lunch with my 5 best girlfriends, and discussed these questions, and the Five Wishes. Being the ‘nurse’ friend, I explained that I am sure that if one of us is sick, the others will look to me for advice on what to do next. I told them if that was the case, I needed to know what THEY would wish for, not what I thought they would want, or what I would want. Having this conversation with them, with all of us together, was very enlightening. Some shared thoughts I would have never known. This led to a dinner party with the spouses, and filling out their Advanced Directives, and lots of tears, and conversation. I am sure, each of us will know what each other will want, in case they can not tell us. In the professional arena, in the last year, our hospital, actually, a very driven Chaplain, and Palliative care nurse, have attempted to change the norm. We have had mandatory in-services for nursing and respiratory staff on Advanced Directives, what they are, what they mean, etc. We use the words, “Wishes”, and the “Keepers of your wishes”. 1 year ago, Advanced directive were assessed, only 52% of the time on our hospitalized patients. After our efforts in this past year, with engagement from our administrators, we have 88% evidence of Advanced Directive assessment, and actually 58% of those assessed, actually are placed on the chart!!!! It has been incredible. We have a way to go to reach 100%, but could never have imagined how much of a difference we could have made. Our medical staff as well as 2 local Extended Care facilities have asked for the inservice to help them understand as well. Your Engage with Grace is exactly what we need to take this to a different level. I am so excited to share your site with anyone I can, and all at my organization. Maybe we can commit to sharing this slide in all of our Presentations in our hospital, then maybe even, the five hospitals in our region. Thank You so much for your time and ideas, and I will share with you in a few weeks what we have done with your ideas.

— Karla Shearer, 11/27/2008

For ten years, as teaching assistant for a doctor friend's course on Current Topics in Medicine, I helped students think about and discuss end-of-life decision making and write an advance directive. I gave my "significant other" the same materials the students used (articles, forms) and asked him to do the assignment too. It took him two years to execute a healthcare proxy form. Then I pushed him to tell me what he wanted me to do with the authority he was giving me to act for him if he couldn't make his wishes known, and he said, "If I can't read the New York Times, I don't want to live." Of course that wasn't good enough. I made him complete a checklist. He never wrote the paper the students had to write, but he did elaborate on the situations in which he would prefer to refuse or withdraw medical intervention. Four years ago, a couple of days before Thanksgiving, he had a stroke in his house on Nantucket island and lay, unconscious, for 26 hours before somebody found him on the kitchen floor and rushed him to Nantucket Cottage Hospital. I flew from Boston to Nantucket on Thanksgiving Day 2004 and sat at his bedside until he died the following day. The CAT scans showed such irreversible brain damage that he was unlikely ever to regain cognitive function, even if he emerged from the coma. Had he lived, I would have had to carry out his wishes and withdraw fluids and nutrition so that he could die in peace. He died before I had to make that decision, which would have been the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. As it is, it was important for us to have had the conversations we had about what we considered acceptable intervention and acceptable quality of life. Also, because we were not married, I would not automatically have had the right to be the go-to person at the hospital, had I not had the healthcare proxy form with his signature on it. Now that he's gone, my own healthcare proxy, naming him as the person to make medical decisions for me, is null and void. I wrote another one, giving my attorney the power to act on my behalf, but it is really only a temporary solution. There is nobody else in my life to whom I am close enough, and whom I trust enough to carry out my wishes. All I know is that I would not want to leave that power to anyone in my immediate family or to a doctor. Having a serious conversation about possible end-of-life situations (chronic and/or terminal illness, crippling accident, heart attack or stroke, extreme old age) and options for medical intervention is one of the most important things an adult can do. I'm not sure Thanksgiving is the right time to do it, though. Sometimes the person best able to act on your behalf is not your spouse or sibling or parent or child but a trusted friend or partner, whose personal choices and emotional involvement will not deflect him or her from doing what you want.

— Jacqueline, 11/26/2008

What a moving video presentation. How lucky Za was! I would like to say, that on question 1 there are actually 2 issues. One is "dying at home" and the other is without medical intervention. In the hospice world from which I have worked over the last 4 years, we don't refer to hospice as giving up or losing hope... what we are saying is that the direction of your care has changed. There will be no more aggressive medical intervention, however there will be medical management to ensure that there is no pain or symptoms thereof. That a person will be in physical, spiritual and psychological peace. That can take place anywhere the patient is.

— joan linsky, 11/26/2008